I've been solo-ing a lot lately, in doing almost anything actually. from dining to shopping and sometimes even watching movie at the cinemas alone.
Actually before this i do enjoy the occasional "alone" time, especially going out and shopping, because when i'm shopping alone, i'll only visit the shops that i really want to go, without any hassle. Because you klnow, when you go out with a bunch of friends, some might say "hey i wanna check out new stuff at topman" or "hey let's go the padini outlet first" and so on....it's not that i loathe going out in a group, trust me going out in a group is really fun. Just that when i shop alone, i make it brief and straight to the point. When i'm going to shop alone, i already know what i'm going to buy, such as some older release shoes with huge discounts or fresh release stuff that i'm anticipating sometime ago. I go, i grab, i pay, i leave, and that's it.
But lately i notice that my "alone" time is getting more and more. Is it because i'm too get used to solitary lifestyle and i'm starting to ignore what's happening around me? I went back to hometown few days ago, and i'm still at aloq stuck now. I used to hang out with my roommates even when i'm at hometown (due to my particle-sized social life), and now i'm all alone when i went out just now. I always feel that the old saying of "no man is an island" doesn't really apply to me because i do enjoy being alone, but now I finally feel that being alone is really one of the worst feeling you'll feel. Even when i'm at kl with my friends and mates I still feel this emptiness and hollow in me. The feeling is getting so intense that I'm beginning to feel that i might have depression.
Damn i seriously need to do something on improving my social life, really don't want things to get anymore worse. Maybe I should start with altering my mentality on my way of socializing. My close friends around me know that i'm always the "less talkative" one in the group, or in other words "listener". Yeah I do listen a lot on what my friends are talking, but maybe it's time for change. Perhaps i should switch to the talker instead of being silent and listen. Or maybe i'm just being too cool and others will mistakenly think i'm just a schmuck?
Is it a sign of me facing depression by typing all this crap?Fuck.....
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